“Hey!” shouted Lee. “A trout!” “I rest my case.” I replied.
Back To The Present.
#7: Utter Nonsense!
Written & Illustrated By Iisa
The U.F.O shot a giant rock at the water. A size big enough to kill us all. A hatch opened up and the aliens said, “We’re sorry to learn that you will soon be dead. Although you may find this slightly macabre, we prefer your extinction to the loss of our job.”
“So!?” remarked Lee. “How much do you get paid?” “$2 a day.” replied the aliens. “I get paid... uh... wait. I don’t have a job.” said Jordan. FWOOM! Another U.F.O vaporised the main U.F.O into smithereens.
A man got out. “Who are you?” Jordan asked unmannerly. “E.T, or Impo.” E.T replied. “Oi!” I shouted. “You were supposed to die in E.T pt 4!”
“You should know!”
“But they also showed me a First Aid Kit...”
“How did I not record this stuff?”
“I don’t know......” “Don’t worry,” sympathised Lee. “He thought I was dead too!”
E.T kindly rolled down his ramp, and we all got on. Lee helped me push the car on. We were just about to leave when I noticed something. Jordan wasn’t here. I ran to go find him. “Don’t ditch me, I don’t want Stranded recreated!” I thought.
So I walked around. I heard lots of noises in the dark forest. Soon I saw a broken house. I got closer. Jordan had eaten most of what seemed to be a half-eaten candy house. “Hansel and Gretel.” I thought.
I could not find Jordan anywhere. Then I heard a rumble. I looked up. The volcano was erupting. “Shoot.” I groaned. “This is becoming Stranded!” I ran through the dark woods, through the murky swamp water, and charged through the falling styrofoam apples. “All the fruit is fake!” I groaned.
Everything was dimming. I ran into Jordan. Actually, it wasn’t. Some falling rocks fell and took down the trees. Light shone, revealing who the silhouette was. It was a witch. “Hi, ugly!” I spoke. “Ooh! That’s rude! You’re pretty...ugly.” I grinned and ran.
The witch was mad. She started chasing me down. “I’m being chased down by a witch! Mmm, mmm, mmm. Should I run or should I hide? No, I’ll hit her with styrofoam apples!” And I pelted her with apples. Jordan ran past.
So I ran with him. Soon the U.F.O was in sight. A bit further to go. I tripped over a rock. “Uh oh.” I said. I instantly went into tuck and roll. I rolled into the ship, and E.T took off.
On our flight, E.T and I started up a conversation. “So why was I supposed to die?” asked E.T. I tried to avoid that question. E.T did NOT need to know. He was trying all sorts of persuasive speaking. At last I lost patience. “I hate having to put a dot in your name. It’s annoying. So, you had to die.”
E.T was sad. He looked back to the front. I felt guilty. “Can I call you Impo instead?” I asked.